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Los Angeles Times Valley Edition | Glendale News-Press | 2005 June 4
Sorting out Bob's misconceptions
BY PATRICK AZADIAN
First of two parts. Dedicated to all the honest Bobs in Glendale.
A couple of weeks ago I received a frank e-mail from a reader, which put me between a rock and a hard place.
Bob, my newfound pen pal, is new to Glendale, and by his own admission, has never been exposed to a large community of Armenians. He is "fascinated by the culture and history," yet expressed some concerns about perceived "Armenian behavior" and solicited some clarifications from me.
I sent him an initial reply but took some time to respond to his questions. I was unusually busy, and at the same time, I wanted to make sure I answered his questions to the best of my ability. Although I understood his experiences felt very real, I did not want to foster further stereotypes about any ethnic group, including Armenians.
Bob's first observation went something like this: "I would be willing to say that almost 95% of the Armenian people I have encountered refuse to acknowledge my presence in any way. They look through me -- no smile, no hello, nothing! I say 'hello' and they walk by as if I were invisible."
My response was exhaustive: "Bob, how did you determine what percentage of the 'hello sayers' were non-Armenian? What makes some Armenians distinct from the mainstream is their mannerism and choice of clothing. Most blend into the mainstream once they shed the immigrant tag. I suspect 95% of what you've experienced is the 95% of the newcomers who you've been able to identify as stereotypical Armenians. Your sample population is basically limited to the newly arrived immigrants who still cling on to the ways of their country of origin.
"I cannot imagine any of my Armenian friends looking 'through' anyone, Anglo or Eskimo, it wouldn't make a difference.
"Here on, my explanations will only apply to a small subcategory of Armenians who are new to this land, and are understandably unfamiliar with its customs and culture.
"As many other cultures in the world, the newcomers don't make a habit of making eye contact with strangers. Unless they know you, they will not say 'hello.'
"This applies especially to women. Not long ago, a non-Armenian asked me: 'Why are Armenian women so bitter?' I asked him how he came to this harsh conclusion; he said: 'I always say hello and never get a response.' I explained to him how that is not a sign of bitterness, but a cultural trait. 'Besides,' I said jokingly, 'if they are bitter, consider the fact that they deal with Armenian men on a daily basis.'
"One of my first discoveries in America came weeks after my arrival in my mid-teens and a few days before my cycling rights were ruthlessly terminated by my mom. As I was riding my bike on the shores of the American River in Sacramento, a stranger greeted me. I was taken by surprise, and I did not have time to respond. I had been exposed to something new and pleasant.
"Moreover, making friends among Armenians is often on referral basis. It is unusual to go to a gathering and strike up a conversation with a stranger. The best way to make new friends is through old friends.
"Just remember, you don't sleep one night, and wake up the next morning and fully absorb American customs just because the Immigration Office decided to give you an American Passport. Acculturation takes time, and full assimilation may take as long as many lifetimes."
Bob's second experience was more specific. He asked: "I walked into a store in which there was a lady in front giving out samples. She was Armenian. She looked the other way when I walked in and handed out the samples to the Armenian lady behind me."
My response was brief: "Bob, without knowing what the samples were, I cannot give you a reasonable explanation. Maybe the samples were beeberee bakmaz (a homemade hot red pepper paste consumed by Armenians from Syria and Lebanon), or maybe it was a sample of henna (a natural red hair die used mainly by very old women), or it could've been a new and improved hot wax for hair removal.
"Yes, I know the new generation of metrosexual men could put all the above samples into good use, but the lady must've made a determination that the samples did not apply to you. Her behavior was politically incorrect, and probably bad business. But really, what percentage of the world population cares about political correctness? It takes time to grasp this very American concept . . ."
Tune in two weeks from today when Bob demands an explanation on why he was mildly mistreated in an Armenian pastry shop and hear my advice on how to survive in the jungle of ethnic stores.
Copyright 2005 Glendale News Press
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