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READER
RESPONSE
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By Richard Haladay
Retired School Counselor
Glendale, California
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"Thank you for continuing to crank out your most interesting articles. As a non-Armenian resident of Glendale for two years, I have quickly come to discover that I wasn't in Kansas any more.
One can't learn about another culture by reading angry, negative ravings in a newspaper's comments section. The only way is by interaction and hopefully with a guide. Over the last two years you have steered me out of several potential land mines.
Although I am a young senior citizen, and I feel I'm pretty harmless, your article 'Wedding Crashers Not Welcome' taught me that flashing my friendly American smile at
unknown Armenian women in the Golden Farms Supermarket is not necessarily appreciated. It also helped me not to get my feelings hurt because of their lack of response.
Now I save money at Armenian stores and go to Ralph's on Central and Stocker to smile at strangers.
I could go on about how much you have taught me, but I'll spare you.
I look forward to my Saturday class in cultural awareness.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year."
FROM THE MARGINS | BY PATRICK AZADIAN
Los Angeles Times Valley Edition | Glendale News-Press | August 26 2006
"Wedding Crashers" not welcome
Long before the movie "The Wedding Crashers" hit the silver screen, my friend and I decided to crash an Armenian wedding. At the time, my office was conveniently located across from the Royal Palace banquet hall.
As we casually stepped into the lobby, a Russian security guard greeted us.
He asked us which side of the family we belonged to. "We are Armen's friends," I said. The guard was not impressed and inquired about Armen's last name.
"Armen Sarkissian," I said, and followed it up with a question to distract him. "Can you call him out for us?" I asked.
Within seconds we were being escorted out to the front door. Meanwhile, I had a chance to squeeze in a few words to save face: "Armen's going to be very disappointed; he was looking forward to seeing us."
I could hear the Russian mumble: "Da, da..."
Recently, after seeing "The Wedding Crashers" on cable, I received an invitation to a local Armenian wedding. This was my opportunity to test the "crasher's rule book" in a real-life situation.
I lived close enough to the hall to be able to walk there. MGM Banquet Hall is right around the corner from my apartment. The name MGM (associated with Kirk Krikorian, the Armenian version of Donald Trump) is a common name for many Armenian establishments. Apparently, it's a source of pride by association.
As I stepped into the hall, the mother of the groom was personally greeting all guests. She immediately identified me as a potential outcast and asked about my wedding credentials. Thankfully, they already had a table card in my name.
I realized there would be little room for improvisation for potential crashers.
Rule No. 2 of the rule book, which suggests never using your real name, seemed obsolete.
To meet any women at these weddings, the process should start with some kind of eye contact. Rule No. 13 states, "bridesmaids are desperate: console them." Well, not at an Armenian wedding.
First, because the bridesmaids are not desperate; they know exactly to whom they will be married, even if the guy has no idea.
And second, making eye contact is considered a health hazard. Most girls are taken at young age. Focusing your eyes on the floral centerpiece is highly recommended, no matter what the rum and coke are telling you to do.
Making that ill-advised eye contact may be enough to cause you to hit the pavement hard.
Rule No. 11 states that "sensitive is good." Rule No. 53 is similar in spirit. During the ceremony it's suggested to get choked up. The logic is for girls to think you're sensitive.
As large segments of the Armenian community remain homophobic, it is dangerous to show any signs of emotion as a man. As a matter of fact, being sensitive, managing to be slim after high school or wearing a pink shirt can eliminate you from the competition for all the wrong reasons. This is no place for softies.
Rule No. 58: "The Ferrari is in the shop." Whether the Ferrari is actually at the shop or not, regardless of income level, the right car is a basic requirement, not an advantage. Keep your dignity; don't brag about what's not at the shop.
Rule No. 108 recommends knowing your swing and salsa steps. Girls supposedly love to get twisted around.
Standing a the edge of the dance floor, I realized all the years of salsa lessons in an effort to meet my own version of Eva Mendes had gone to waste.
My money would have been better spent taking up "kazachok" (A Russian/Ukrainian folk dance in which high kicks are made from a squatting position). The dance is a firm favorite at Armenian weddings.
At the expense of sounding like an ingrate, at some point I realized I was not having much fun. No disrespect to the hosts, the wedding was great; but it's not easy when you don't know anyone, and staring is not an option.
And although by this time I had decided the crasher's rule book was a total waste, Rule No. 12 sounded quite reasonable: "When it stops being fun, breaking something is recommended." I had my eyes on the pair of large porcelain lions (symbolizing MGM) near the dance floor, but I could not reach them without bringing too much attention upon myself.
I left quietly with my tail between my legs.
Copyright 2006 Glendale News Press
